This week I’m writing about Devon, Yvonne, and Barbie

Last Sunday afternoon, I had the pleasure of hosting another “Conversation With Friends” on Zoom. This time we talked with Devon Ervin about her recently-published memoir, The Reluctant Caregiver: Reclaiming My Life After Caring for a Stroke Survivor.  You can see a recording of it here. Time passed quickly as participants responded to the author’s movingly read passages from what is a different kind of story with a different kind of ending. Seldom do we get to hear how a beloved’s trauma affects the other beloved. Here’s Devon’s beautiful, brave poem, “After the Stroke”, that tells it all.

Several of those attending the online conversation had been part of my writing weekends at the beach, and the “Where Our Writing Takes Us” zoom group that ran during Covid. They, like me, had watched The Reluctant Caregiver come to life.  Among the participants was retired medical doctor, Yvonne Lyles, a long-time friend whose beach house had been the scene of the afore-mentioned weekend retreats, and who had dabbled in writing her own memoir about coming up through the ranks of the medical industry during a time when female medical students were still rare and misogyny was rarely noticed … as in the lecture halls where screens were often decorated with images of (no shit) those ridiculous trucker’s Playboy Mud Flaps!  Yvonne had also experienced the collateral damage of her former partner’s debilitating stroke. He later died during Covid.

Yvonne being one of the most resilient people I know, she now shares her Golden Years and adorable grandkids with another like-minded partner, also a retired MD and grandparent. Together, they move between three homes (including the beach house) where they sponsor and are personally hosting three Ukrainian Refugee families. Having done this before with a family escaping Sarajevo, Yvonne feels like she is right where she belongs, doing work she loves and encouraging others to do the same. If you are interested in helping refugees get a fresh start or a temporary reprieve from war, here’s a link to check out.   There are programs not only for Ukrainians, but also for other countries–each program a little different.  See www.uscis.gov. In her email to me, Yvonne said this:

What does a sponsor do?  First, fill out the I-134A form on the USCIS.gov website, which asks the sponsor to agree to support their refugees for up to two years–such support is mostly logistical, not financial.  Then, wait up to 180 days for “travel authorization” so they can come to the U.S.  It used to take only a few weeks, but the process has slowed due to high demand.  The sponsor then provides temporary housing (or finds someone else who can–USCIS recommends teamwork) and helps the refugees obtain their DHS benefits (OHP, SNAP, TNFF, childcare), social security cards, work permits, learn English, find jobs and housing.  It’s fun, and gives one new perspective on life in the US.   These people are desperate to leave the warzone, and eager to work here.  You may save someone’s life and certainly relieve suffering.

If you’d like to speak with Yvonne, I’m more than happy to pass your contact information on to her.

And now at last  …  it’s time to talk about !

A community writer for Daily Kos posted a piece in which she called the movie a “masterpiece” in the same league as “Casablanca”. Hmmnn. Not sure about that, but bless her heart, she also included this.

For any of us who won’t get to go see the movie, here’s gift link to a NYT review, which I think captures the movie in its whole masterpieceness, including a discussion of the consumerism issue and Mattel. Note, the review contains major spoilers.

Willa Paskin, who wrote this really long, but more than worth your time to read essay/review, calls the movie a “113-minute love letter to Barbie that is also an earnest attempt to make amends.”  Well, of course, I had to find out for myself. So off I went with my friend, Gail, to our local indie theater, the Joy Cinema, (which, FYI, offers $5 Tuesdays and the best popcorn ever).

Even though my audio deficiency (old age is not for sissies) caused me to miss a lot of the dialogue, I got enough gist to be able to recognize and appreciate what Willa was saying about Barbie being a polarizing toy and juicy hunk of I.P. while at the same time a potent, complicated, contradictory symbol that stands near the center of a decades-long and still-running argument about how to be a woman. The more I think about the movie, the more I love it and the more I have to agree that it is a brilliant celebration of Both/And, which happens to be a position I explore a lot … a celebration of Barbie and an apology for Barbie, a rant against corporate patriarchy while using its absolute power. And then, of course, there’s Ken. But I have to stop somewhere.

To me, the real hero of the story is its writer/director, Greta Gerwig, who happens to be about the age of my two oldest granddaughters, beautiful women & great moms who both grew up playing Barbies. I hope to have a chance to get their take on the movie soon.  Greta, who also wrote and directed “Lady Bird,” has a lot to say about what the Barbie movie means to her, and I love it when she calls it a spiritual journey, where the Barbies live in the ‘comfort of fundamentalism’ where there is no death, aging or shame, and you never have to wonder what you’re meant to do. Hmmn again. Then suddenly something happens (in this case, cellulite) that brings on the terror of not knowing what you’re supposed to do next.

Here’s a direct quote (and a spoiler alert) from the NYT review that sums it all up way better than I can.

After decades of fretting about girls’ wanting to be as perfect as Barbie, Gerwig serves up a Barbie struggling to be as resilient as us. This is the movie’s brazen trick. Barbie is no longer the avatar of women’s insufficiency, a projection of all we’re not; instead she becomes a reflection of how hard – but worth it – it is to be all that we are. 

And here we all are, all that we are  … back around to Devon & Yvonne, a reluctant caregiver and a retired doctor …  two strong women decades apart in age, who each grew out of herself and into herSelf.  All of us together. Who would’ve thought this summer would bring us a movie about perfect plastic dolls – a movie that was clearly made by a Real Person?  EnJOY!!

If you have thoughts, musings, or comments you’d like to share about your relationship with Barbie or the Barbie movie, we’d love to hear from you here, OR if you’re interested in being part of an online conversation on Tuesday, August 22^nd starting at 4pm (pacific), rsvp here and we’ll send you the link.

Until then or whenever we get together next, as we make our way through all that is happening around and within us, here is the poem that completes my memoir, Arms Filled With Bittersweet.

Sent as always, with Love & Hope,
Sulima, herSelf